Children have big feelings long before they have the skills to manage them. Big emotions are a
normal part of child development; however, managing these emotions can be challenging for
caregivers, especially when children respond with meltdowns or withdrawal. It is normal to feel
frustrated or unsure of what to do in these moments. Every child is different, and you may be
wondering why does my child goes from calm to overwhelmed so quickly. In my years of
working with children and families, this has been a recurring theme. Only when a child feels safe
can you start to help them navigate their emotional experiences. I have learned to first approach
with curiosity and an open mind to discover what may be fueling big emotions.
Highly sensitive children and those with ADHD or anxiety may have more difficulty regulating
their emotions; however, any child can experience sensory overload. Loud noises, itchy clothes,
busy spaces, or too much stimulation can add up and leave a child feeling overloaded. ADHD
can create a busy mind filled with competing thoughts, while anxiety can trigger worry and keep
the nervous system on high alert. Both can make everyday challenges feel bigger and harder to
manage.
While many factors influence the development of emotional regulation skills in children,
research supports the effectiveness of interventions that teach emotional vocabulary and
regulation strategies. Younger children often rely on co-regulation and support from adults;
however, as children grow, learning to identify their emotions and use calming strategies can
help them develop stronger independent emotional regulation skills. It is also important to
recognize when a child may need their environment adjusted to support them.
Co-regulation matters. It is the calming effect a child experiences when they are with an adult
who is calm and regulated. Just as another person’s stress can raise your own stress, a steady
presence can help ease intense emotions. You may not be able to solve the problem in the
moment, but you can listen, validate the child’s feelings, and stay calm. Children and adults
regulate best when they feel safe, supported, and understood.
Name emotions as they happen. Younger children often find it hard to identify and express what
they feel because they may not yet have the words. By labelling your own emotions, you can
introduce feeling language, normalize a wide range of emotions, and help children build the
vocabulary and understanding they need to talk about their own emotional experiences.
Introducing calming tools can be helpful. Start with simple strategies and start when you are
both calm. I can be taking a deep breath, creating a calming space, or using sensory toys such
as fidgets or playdough. Creating a safe space where children can learn about their emotions
without blaming or shaming can help build skills that will be useful for their whole lives.
by Renita Brubacher, MSW, RSW
Renita Brubacher
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